Ugh. I wasn't going to say anything about this at all. Mostly because I highly doubt that anybody really cares what I think, and because I don't want to give this subject any more attention than I think it deserves, but I just can't any more.
I started to write just a sentence or two on my facebook wall, but it became longer, so I'll just write it here instead. That way, I don't have to try to censor myself either. Here goes:
Not that anybody is wondering, but I do have an opinion about Fifty Shades of Grey. I didn't read it. I didn't see it, so one could say my opinion is skewed, but I don't care. I think it will be a dumb movie and I don't want to see it. The end.
And here is where I give my disclaimer. Now I am going to talk about sex. I don't think I am graphic or give TMI, but you have been warned.
Then I read an article encouraging Christian women not to see it. Okay. Cool. You were upfront and said you were talking to Christian women in the title. I'll be on board with that. Because I am sooo tired of people telling me not to see it because of Christianity. It's getting on my nerves. So many things that I am being told to do or not to do because "Christianity". I don't need Christianity to tell me that I won't like that movie. I saw the trailer, and that was enough to tell me it will not be a movie with an excellent script and excellent acting. Using my religion is an argument that I don't find very persuasive. I'm sure many do. The idea that if God said not to do it - that is enough. You just don't do it because God said so.
I'm not one of those people. I am a Christian. Yes, so I do take that into account and it does help make certain decisions. But not everyone is a Christian, so telling them it won't save their marriage because "Christianity" is not going to make them want to listen. I've started reading many articles/blog posts, then they started using the God argument and I'm like "you had me until you brought Him into it."
Then I got to the part where she said that women think it will spice up their marriage if they see it. This is where everything came crashing to a halt and I heard that scratched record sound in my brain, and I realized I didn't want to be quiet any more. Because I also have thoughts about this:
Well, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Psychologists say that if you want to bring back that feeling of falling in love with your spouse, you should do something adventurous that you have never done before like travel somewhere you have never been or go on a hot air balloon ride. It will help bring back those feelings of newness that you had when you were first dating.
Lots of people are saying this is pornography. I don't know. I didn't read it.
But really? Let's get real. What else could it be? And yes, I am anti-pornography because I think it is demeaning to women. Women are not here on this earth just to look pretty, please men and give them their every desire. But I digress.
There is no story that I could find in the book's description (and from the other things I have heard and read about the book/movie):
"When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.
Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires."
I want the movies I watch to tell me an interesting story. This doesn't sound interesting. "And then they had sex" is not a plot twist. This sounds more like tutorial about how to bondage sex. Which I don't like. I'm not into that. I like being able to run my fingers through my partner's hair and make him feel just as good as he is making me feel. Bondage sex sounds selfish and one sided, and downright abusive, to me. I would say if you are hurting or controlling your partner, you are doing it wrong.
That's just my opinion. I know many people out there have heard people who participate in BDSM tend to be more well-adjusted human beings than those who do not. I have my doubts about this. Mainly because there are a lot of ways to be a well-adjusted human being. Human behavior is curious to me, and I enjoy learning about it.
But I have also read an article stating that the study that was done to find that out may not have been that well constructed and thought out, and doesn't delve deep enough into other aspects of the person's life. You can read more about it here. Basically with BDSM you must have one person playing the dominant role and another the submissive. According to the article, the dominant person seems to be the one who appears to be more well-adjusted. Well, what does that say about the person playing the submissive? To me, this sounds like it is doing more harm than good to the submissive partner. And that sounds an awful lot like abuse.
"But, wait!" You might say. "If it's consensual, then it's fine! They use safe words and are supposed to stop and all that." What if they don't stop though? What if they only consented because they felt they had to? What if the dominant goes too far, but the submissive still feels they have to keep doing it over and over just to please their partner? Those are things that happen when people are in abusive relationships. So if you want to try this, I say proceed with caution. And don't expect it to make your marriage better.
Abuse is never okay. Let me say that again. Dominating, controlling, and abusing your partner is never okay.
Marriage is about a partnership. Not dominance and submission. My husband and I are partners. We don't do everything together. I have my things that I like to do and he has his. But we make each other feel safe and happy. We find ways to balance our lives and take care of each other. Trust me. I can tell when he is making sex all about him (because he's human), and I will call him out on it. Because sex should be about both of you. One partner pleasing the other. That's unselfish love to me. Making sure the other person's needs are met in and out of the bedroom should be a priority in a marriage. It's healthy and it's wonderful.
So yes, I agree with the Christians. No, I won't be going to see that movie. I don't think anyone should because I don't think Hollywood should be encouraged to produce more movies like this. I don't even want to see it when it comes on Netflix. But it's not because of Christianity. It's because relationships should be about making your partner feel special, not dominated. So Ethics, I guess. Or Humanism, if you will. I would much rather take that hot air balloon ride with him. Hmmm. But I don't think Kurtis will want to. He's afraid of heights. Maybe we can explore the Oregon Coast together instead. That sounds perfect.
*UPDATE: And then I found this little tidbit. It only made my convictions stronger.*
And please, if you are in an abusive relationship, please ask for help. Please, do whatever it takes to get away. This is an excellent resource for people who are (or people who know someone) in that situation. You are not alone.
And now the song the title comes from:
No comments:
Post a Comment