It's Worth A Shot, Right?

There is a saying among addicts.  They say, "You know us addicts.  We have to be addicted to something!"    I've decided it's true, and am considering my options about what I will transfer my sugar addiction to.  It's a brilliant idea, really.  Often a person addicted to drugs or alcohol will start running (or something like that) to get their minds off the fact that their bodies are telling them they need something they don't.  I thought about exercise, but I don't really like it that much.  I only do it because I gain weight when I don't.  My bestest friend Nicole laughed when I told her that, and said it was because I won't change my diet.  It's true.  I really, really like candy.  Just talking about it makes me want it.  Sometimes, when I crave it, and I don't have any, I get restless, and sometimes shake.  Literally.  That is how I know it is an addiction, and anybody who dares to tell me otherwise is pretty much asking me to punch them in the face.
The other day, I was thinking about this.  I thought, well, I could try being addicted to celery.  Celery has zero calories, so I could probably eat as much as I want.  It also has a lot of fiber.  Keeping my colon squeaky clean is always a good idea.  So this is brilliant, really.  I owe the idea to Spencer.  One day, I posted as my facebook status:  "Why aren't I skinnier!?  All I do is shiver all day!  That burns calories, right? :D"  It's true.  I easily get cold, and I do not like it.  I am glad I don't live in places where the temperature is often below zero in the winter.  That would not be fun.  Spencer wrote on my post:  "Eating celery does too.  So if penguins ate Celery, they'd be like sticks."  He's so funny.  I posted back:  "I'll have to try that.  An all celery diet.  Gross."  Obviously, I was being sarcastic.  But what if instead of eating candy when I craved it, I ate celery?  I'm seriously considering this.  The only downside is that I only like celery with cream cheese or peanut butter.  That would kind of defeat the point, so if I do this, I would not be able to put anything on it.  Also, it is hard to store celery in my desk drawer.  It needs to be kept cold, or it will go bad, and then it would not taste good, and potentially make me sick to my stomach.
Well, it is an idea.  But the thing about addiction is that it is an extremely hard thing to let go.  I'll give it a week.  No.  A day.  That's probably about all I could take.  Celery is not my favorite vegetable.