Friday, August 24, 2012

Hate Is A Strong Word

The other day, Kurtis and I were flipping through the movies on our instant queue.  He couldn't decide what to watch, so I decided that meant it would be fine if I threw on a romantic comedy.  I love those.  I know most of them are so cheesy and cliche now days, but I also don't care.
I started up the movie "I Hate Valentine's Day".  It came out in 2009 and I remember thinking it looked cute.    I also remember the critics saying that it was not good.  Not good at all.  Critics don't really get the romantic comedy, though I've decided.  Sometimes it feels like they are looking for things to be wrong with the movie.  So I listen, and then do what I want any way.  Then I don't get my hopes up and can say, "Well, I liked that one!" or, "Yeah.  I should have listened to them that time around."
This movie is one of those times when I should have listened to the critic.  Twenty minutes into the movie, our internet decided to bug out on us, and it stopped.  I told Kurtis, "That's okay.  We can just go to bed.  I was bored anyway."  And I was.
The plot of the movie is this:  Genevieve is a beautiful florist who is afraid of getting her heart broken, so she has this rule of romance.  Five dates.  You go on five dates and then you break it off, no strings attached, no drama, no anger.  Just say good-bye.  On Valentine's Day, a gorgeous man walks into her shop and buys  some flowers for his girlfriend - well, he thinks she's his girlfriend, but he's not really sure because she is a flight attendant and she is gone a lot and they've been dating for three months but they've never said they were exclusive or anything.  He's clueless.  She tells him to sneak into her apartment and leave the flowers on her bed.  Which he does and it does not go well, and they break up.  Yay!  Cute guy is single!  Let's go on five dates with him and not fall in love.  When she explains her five dates rule to him, I wanted to run away from her.  She had on such a fake smile it was almost psychotic.  And she has that smile on most of the movie.  I was scared.
Did I finish the show the next day?  No.  But I did finish it while I was working out a couple of days later.  Turns out, her father cheated on her mother and broke not only her mother's heart, but her heart as well.  She could never trust a man again and believed that she had found the key to always having romance in her life.  But after dating that guy, she realized she was just alone and miserable.  Well, duh.  You didn't even believe it when you said five dates was all it took.  We could tell by that freaky smile.
I thought I would enjoy this film because I love My Big Fat Greek Wedding (same writer/actress), but this movie was unnerving because of her fake smile and her weirdness through out the movie.  The male romantic lead was the only good thing in the movie.  He's cute and his acting was sincere.  But nobody else's was.  Except the woman playing her mother.  I did enjoy her part as well, but that wasn't enough.  This movie could have been much better and I didn't like it.  I gave it 2 stars because that's what 2 stars on Netflix means: "Didn't like it".  One means you hated it.  So it was probably more like 1 and a half.  Maybe 1 and a quarter.  I don't know.  Just save yourself the trouble and don't watch it.  You won't be missing anything.  I promise.  Oh, and the description of the movie says the movie all takes place in one day.  That's a lie.  It takes place over the course of a year.  One Valentine's Day to the following Valentine's Day.  During that year, she goes from loving Valentine's Day (with a fake declaration to a customer, "I Love Valentine's day!"  To the attesting that "Valentine's day is a sham of a holiday!").  Like we didn't see that coming.  Sigh.  The big romantic gesture to win back the girl's heart at the end was sweet (in the "oh, that;s so sweet" kind of way where you really mean dumb), though.  He sings to her because singing is scary to him.  But it wasn't enough to make up for the rest of the film.  If my review has spiked the rebel in you and now you just have to see this train wreck for yourself, I'm begging you not to.  Don't torture yourself.

This is a still from the movie.  She does whatever that is with her eyes throughout the whole film.  
One reviewer on Netflix said, " WORST MOVIE EVER!! she never stops smiling throughout the entire movie and its pretty creepy " 
Ha ha!  Well.  They're not wrong are they?  :D

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