Don't Need No Hateration, Holleratin'

So on November 19th, our family did something every family tends to do around this time of year.  We attempted to get our family picture taken.  I say attempted because getting family pictures where all of us look good is a challenge.  Huge.  Challenge.  Painfully so.  Let me start at the beginning.
I called my brother and asked him if he could take our family picture, and he said he would be glad to.  The one in our living room is four years old, so I would really like one that I can blow up to an 11x14'' and stick in the frame we have up.  I like it when we coordinate in our clothing as well.  My bestest friend Nicole found me these awesome Jack Skellington shirts for the boys.  She bought me a super cool Jack Skellington hat for Christmas one year because she and her family went to Disneyland.  I thought perfect!  Now I know what they are going to wear and what I am going to wear and what I want Kurtis to wear!  Woo-hoo!  Half the battle has been won!
Well, picture day came and Michael was supposed to meet us at our house at 11 a.m. so that we could get done before Kaleb had to go to his basketball game at 2 p.m.  That sounds like plenty of time for a family photo shoot to me.  Two hours of shooting should get you at least one decent shot, right?  Well, that would have been amazing, but Michael texts me at 10:30 and says he is going to be a little late.  I guess he and I have different ideas of what a little late is because he was an hour and a half late.  At 12:30, we finally pull out of my driveway and head to the location I picked out.  It's a really beautiful place called the Layton Nature Preserve.  It's basically a bird refuge.  I didn't even know it existed until my friend posted her family pictures on her blog.  I had to have my family pictures taken there!  It was a beautiful sunny day.  The sky was blue and there was snow on the ground.  It was picturesque.  We took some pictures, but at 1:30, we had to leave and take Kaleb to his basketball game.  Michael took some more shots, and we were finally back to our car at 2.  I'm freaking out because he and Riley are just meandering along the boardwalk, taking their time.  I was going to just let Michael take Riley back to our house so we could hurry up, but no.  Michael said he couldn't bring him back.  He had somewhere he had to go.  Oh!  Did I mention Kaleb was supposed to bring the drinks for his team?  No?  Well, yes.  He was, so I didn't want to be late.  I didn't want his coach thinking we had forgotten.  So I turned the car around and went back for him.  I was frustrated.  Ahhhh!  Might have slipped out of my mouth a couple of times.
I was really excited to see our pictures, though!  I mean everything was perfect, so these pictures must be perfect, too, right!?  I finally got to see them the day before Thanksgiving.  Michael had only gotten about 70 pictures taken.  I copied them from his memory card onto my computer and began to browse through them.  As I am flipping through them, my anger and horror begins to swell, and grow and consume me.  I expected my children to have goofy faces and have one kid not smiling, and being uncooperative, but my husband?  My partner?  The love of my life?  No!  How could he betray me like this?!  It's cruel and just plain spiteful!  Every single freaking picture has Kurtis smiling at the camera, but only with one eye open!  I don't want a picture of my husband winking at the camera.  For one thing, he never winks at me, so that doesn't fit with his personality.  His excuse when I furiously Skyped him:  "I have sensitive eyes!  I couldn't help it!"
All I can say is, he ruined my pictures and ruined my Thanksgiving.  I couldn't stop crying.  I told him he should go to Chuck-A-Rama without me.  We talked it out.  I never punched him.  That bruise got there when he hit his eye on a door knob.  I swear.  We're all good now.
So then, we went up to Grandma Day's to hang with my family and Michael promised me a reshoot.  We went downtown to the LDS Conference Center and took a few, but it got too dark before we could really do anything amazing.  This time, though, Riley decided that smiling was just too hard and that he would rather make weird faces.  We got one that was okay, but I have this awesome double chin.  I guess nobody was in the mood after stuffing themselves all day long.
So we will keep trying.  Friday, the kids got to have the day off because of some wicked wind storm that ripped through our town and took out the power to the school and took out all the windows on the buses.  Awesomeness.  I'll blog about that later.  So because they were home all day, I took the opportunity to do a photo shoot of just them.  Sorry folks.  No family picture for your Christmas card this year.  Just another one of my cuties patooties!  They did a great job with me as the photographer.  Maybe I'm just scarier than their uncle.  Who knows?  The trouble with my kids is that they do better when you don't try to pose them.  Or you trick them into thinking they aren't being posed.  It's easier to do that when you aren't behind them choking them into submission.
Do you want to see some terrible family pictures?  I thought you would.  Who doesn't love looking at horrible pictures of others to make themselves feel better?  These really are the worst ones.  We got some that were slightly better, but not enough.

 Oh, my gosh!  I love that sky and that background!  What a gorgeous picture!  But wait.  Those people are kind of ruining my view.

 I love it when everybody in the picture has their eyes closed.  We were supposed to be doing that!

 Riley was mad for some reason.  I can't remember.  But thanks, buddy.  Oh, and Mister.  You have your eyes closed!

 This one probably would have turned out cute if Mr. Jones over there wasn't so concerned about the other kid ruining the picture.

 Silly pictures rock.  Unless one person won't play along.

 I look hot in this one.  I could have used it if the tall guy hadn't been trying to wink the hell out of everyone.

 Thank you for your cooperation, Riley.  It always helps when you close your eyes.

 Blurry.

 Double chin, and what kind of smile is that, Zachary?

 I love this picture.  The background is gorgeous.  Look at that sky and the temple behind us and the tree!  But once again.  Huge double chin and Zachary is not doing a very good job of faking it.

Aw!  This one is cute!  Me:  "Honey, we should use this one."

Kurtis:  "No, it doesn't show your beautiful eyes."

I can't remember what I said, but I can think of some choice words right now.

Am I just being too picky?  I don't think so.  All I want is one picture of my family (that I can blow up to an 11x 14) where we all look happy and nobody looks like they are thinking, "How much longer do I have to do this?".  Is that too much to ask?