Apparently, this woman didn't want to do any shows on Monday night because that was Family Night and felt that the theatre should just change the dates of the shows if she asked them to. My response was, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." So she dropped out and my friend told me I was the fourth person she called. Thanks.
So that's how I became a part of one of the most awfully written plays I have ever read. Spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, sentences that made no sense. One of the characters' last name was changed three different times. It was sexist and made people from Idaho look really dumb and people from California look really spoiled.
When I was called, I had just done a very emotional part that was all me on stage 95% of the time, so I was going to take a break (I usually don't do shows during Christmas anyway), but when someone needs my help, I like to do my best to give it. I asked if it was a big part, or if it was a smaller role. She told me it was medium and not too many lines to memorize. She lied. I was practically the main character. Connie, the mother of three spoiled children living in California who marries a country boy from Idaho. The show is really an ensemble piece where there really isn't a clear main character, and everyone had a good amount of lines, but as I read the script, all I could think was, "What have I gotten myself into? What does she mean this isn't that big of a part?!"
I had a hard time memorizing my lines and didn't feel a great bond with the cast. The guy playing my husband didn't even act like he liked me on stage until like the week before the show opened. You know. Newlyweds touch each other and it was weird that he didn't. We had problems. I'll admit my attitude didn't help me much. But neither did when the director seemed to be having panic attacks over the show and I had to tell her it would all work out. It would have been nice for her to say the same thing once in awhile or you know, say I was doing something right. But I think we disagreed about my character. She thought Connie was a dumb idiot and wanted me to play her that way. I don't think she was dumb at all. Just extremely overprotective. She had no compassion for my character. The way she wanted me to play her was very unlikable. I didn't appreciate it when she wanted me to say my lines a certain way. She didn't trust my instincts as an actress and that made her very difficult to work with.
I thought I was the only one who didn't like the show, but I found out a few days before we opened that I was not alone. I felt so much better. We really did the best we could with what we were given and were surprised when the audiences who came were laughing (it was a comedy after all!). We were so glad when people laughed. Don't get me wrong, there were some funny parts in the show, but it wasn't One For the Pot or Death By Chocolate.
Well, I no actor gets to love everything they are in, I suppose.
The Cast of Characters:
Sheila - Connie's sister, Mrs. Spencer - Connie's mother, Chris, Connie, Drag - Nedra's friend,
Jan - Nedra's friend, Mooney - Nedra's boyfriend, Nedra - Connie's daughter, Johnny - Chris' nephew, Dee Dee- Nedra's friend, Junior - Connie's son (he was double cast, so both boys in the whit t-shirts are Junior), and Debbie - Connie's baby girl.
It's 1959. Chris and Connie are so in love, but the honeymoon is over the next morning when Nedra starts telling Chris he can't tell her what to do because he is not her father. Junior said the same thing to him earlier and Debbie loves Chris after the spanking he gave her. Because you know, all kids need is a little "discipline".
She tries to sneak off with her friends after being asked to go to bed, but Johnny catches her.
Connie's mother is a sarcastic and down to earth woman. Nedra has asked her to find one thing nice about her friends Drag and Mooney (spoiler, there really isn't much to like). She replies, "They didn't belch."
Chris and Connie were discussing their honeymoon plans. Chris wanted to bring the kids. Connie was like, "Whaaaaat?" Debbie and Junior are very excited that Chris decided to buy his own boat instead of borrowing his brother's. Connie - not so much.
Let me explain something to you about Connie. Her first husband died and it traumatized her. Now she is afraid of horrible things happening to all of her children. She doesn't even want Junior to have a scooter. She's ridiculous.
Sheila loves Chris. She is so excited to have him as her brother-in-law. He's a real man in her eyes and wants one just like him. But in true sisterly fashion, she makes Connie think she's trying to steal her man. So after saying she'd like to wreck her marriage, Connie yells, "Well, isn't that nice Chris? Too bad you can't win Neddy over so easily!" And storms out of the room. Sheila just laughs because, you know. It's so easy.
Dee Dee falls for Johnny. He's a dream boat.
Jan and Dee Dee don't understand why Nedra finds Johnny so repulsive.
Drag and Mooney start playing football with the fruit and knock it over.
Everyone is leaving to go to the beach with the boat, but Chris has told Nedra and Junior that they need to finish their chores before they can go. Nedra has to clean the whole house and Junior the storage room. So Nedra leaves a not saying she's going to elope with Mooney and Junior buys a bus ticket.
They've come home from the beach and had a very good time. Well, probably except for Connie.
Because she comes home to find Junior missing. She blames Chris for everything, finds the note Nedra left, and decides to get on an airplane to go look for Junior. She leaves a note for Chris telling him their marriage is over. A little drastic, but so what if she's in love with him? Her children have got to come first, and they will never accept him as their father.
It's the next morning. Junior came home from Disneyland (Connie believed him to be in Fresno) around four in the morning. Chris and Johnny have decided to clear out and go fishing. You know, because Connie told him to go. Junior is wondering why nobody is worried about his mom.
Connie comes home to find Nedra has also come home and is vacuuming the living room.
Nedra lets her know she never wants to see Mooney again and then surprises everyone by kissing Johnny. Because she loves him. Johnny always had a crush on her from the minute he chased her down the driveway when they first met.
The kids tell Connie they like Chris after all and everything is all better.
Oh, and Chris doesn't love Sheila. He just wants to take her to Idaho so she can meet (and maybe marry) a couple of bachelors on his potato farm who would get a lot more work done if he could marry them off. Best show ever.
Now for your listening pleasure:
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